Ouch, unfortunately single at last

[durnadupa]

Though I was under the impression that it wouldn't happen, it did. And for reasons that I don't think are reasonable. First let me say that I have known this girl for more than 4 years, close friends for 1, and then in a great relationship for 1. It was great, I found someone who would actually amuse me, made me happy and had fun with. I posted things before that we had problems with, got over that once I got around to letting my feelings out to her. Then everything seemed like it would be great for the summer, and I would have a blast. Then suddenly this past four days she didn't talk to me via phone, text, aim, nothing except for just a few lines. I didnt know why, figuring she was just busy. Today I finally thought that I was able to hang out with her, she told me she was coming over. I got all ready for a potential night out on the town and maybe some more, and I was excited to see her.
Then I get the phone call, "come outside, i think we need to talk." I am like what?! and sadly walk outside. She told me that "felt that our love had weakened, and that the state of the relationship we are in now isn't good enough to keep us together for college. We don't talk much anymore, and I dont want to go to college and only have to break up and be sad during the first few months. I want to see if I can stand being away from you, for this month and then if I can't I would want to get back together with you."
I in a daze, kinda sit there half confused/half wat the f*ck, shake my head and choke up... I don't get upset but I truly was.
I talked to my cousin who I am close to and she told me that why would she want to do this now? in your potential last month together, want to end it right now?
Sorry guys, but this is venting from frustration, sadness, etc... Anyone who has solutions is welcome to voice them. My solution is to get blasted on saturday night at a party, any better ones? or what could have caused this?

[jflip2002]

Get blasted on saturday, but dont do anything stupid if you'd consider being back with her. Maybe shes a girl, playing stupid girl games, and is just testing you to see if you'd move on right away or not. Girls are dumb like that, she'll come around. And if she doesnt, then oh well. You're going to college coming up... Trust me, there are a lot of girls there, and being single isnt exactly the worst thing in the world lol. Thats just my opinion.. From a stranger you dont know lol

[myblueTI]

yup the only solution is to get blasted and have a great time but dont drive your ti when you know you shouldnt be. Be safe

[schussey]

girls come and go. Drink some beer, smoke a joint, and chill. Dammit.

-chris

[bmwracerchick]

Awww that is horrible.....my guess.....the real reason was she didnt want to be tied down in college. Its for the better then. Hope you will be ok. Like schussey said, girls do come and go, in my case guys do to or they did until I found a great guy i really love. We are hear for ya, Think of it as a new life ahead of you. Sounds like maybe a phase to that everyone in a relationship could run into, see how it works if you cant stand being apart for a month....might be a good idea but at least spend the last month together. I am sure all will turn out well whether your with her or not. :hugs:

[durnadupa]

myblueTI, haha dont worry I won't be driving my Ti, because it is already in a wreck yard... I had three female loves in my life; my BMW 318Ti, my girlfriend Gloria, and my dog Hope. The first one to be knocked out was the Ti, then now Gloria... I swear if something happens to my dog I am gonna flip.
I actually got my ticket going to drive her to an airport, and crashed on my way to help with her school fundraiser. I dunno, I am still not feeling right about any of this, it is just blah. I feel like ****.
And unfortunately I am gonna be a college commuter, because the room and board wasn't covered in my scholarship... so my college life will be crappy. Bad news day after day.

[roadrash]

Dammit, I hate being the voice of reason, but I have to present a dissenting opinion on the "getting blasted" issue. IMHO, there's nothing to be accomplished by doing that. Why? Well, what's worse than being depressed? Being depressed and hung over. Getting blasted is fine if you're doing it while having a good time, but doing it just to forget your troubles doesn't really accomplish anything in the long run.

My only suggestion is that you do NOT stay home alone. Get out... spend time with friends... don't give yourself an oppportunity to do anything stupid.

I know this sounds cliche'... and I hated hearing it, but this is the truth: Hang in there guy, it does get better, life does go on, and you WILL meet someone else, probably even someone better.

[1rstbmw!]

I feel for you I would have lost it after the ti wreck!!!hope things get better.

[m44ic]

coming from the guy who started the origonal single at last, here is my 2 cents dont talk to her, it will just make you sad or pissed and stay with friends all the time and one word, rebound.

[L84THSKY]

High school to College is a big transition. If you go away to school, you probably wouldn't see each other much anyway. This is the best time to go your seperate ways.


myblueTI, haha dont worry I won't be driving my Ti, because it is already in a wreck yard... I had three female loves in my life; my BMW 318Ti, my girlfriend Gloria, and my dog Hope. The first one to be knocked out was the Ti, then now Gloria... I swear if something happens to my dog I am gonna flip.
I actually got my ticket going to drive her to an airport, and crashed on my way to help with her school fundraiser. I dunno, I am still not feeling right about any of this, it is just blah. I feel like ****.
And unfortunately I am gonna be a college commuter, because the room and board wasn't covered in my scholarship... so my college life will be crappy. Bad news day after day.

[nick_hegel]

Hang with friend and get blasted!! That way you won't be depressed at all. Everyone on here and pretty much in the world has gone through this or will in the future. Like stated before girls come and go. Time heals all!! It worked for me.

[gooten1]

Just broke up with my gf too. Hi five on being single.....

I know it sucks. Sorry to hear about it, but I know you'll be ok. Besides, if you're not, all of us are here to talk to.

[nick_hegel]

Eventually you will feel fortunate to be single. I never thought that would happen, but I wouldn't want it any other way right now!!!

[robcarync]

im sorry man...my girlfriends been kinda weird lately too...getting mad over nothing and just being in a bad mood...im kinda afraid shes gonna break up with me sometime soon...

coming from someone who doesnt party at all, id say getting blasted to try and forget about being upset isnt the thing to do...seems like it increases the potential that you might do something stupid while drunk/high...if you go get blasted with friends that make you happy though, straight homeboy, have fun!

===not trying to hijack thread, but i figured id throw my story in here from a few days ago===

i was hanging out with my girlfriend, and 4 or so other friends, my sister, and my brother. after the movie, everyone went home and i was chillin in my room, and my sister came in and was like 'oh alyssa (my gf), let me show you how to be on face book (website/database for college students)" i know my girlfriend wanted to make a face book profile so i was like whatever thats fine....well she spent a damn hour on the computer and didnt say more than 4 words the whole time.

my sister then was like 'ok, your done...have fun' and left...and my girlfriend stayed on my computer another 20 minutes or so....i was bored out of my mind to say the least, and it put me in kinda a bad mood...i mean i wanted to hang out with her, not sit for an hour and be ignored while she plays on my computer (she wasnt really hanging out with me much earlier...talked mostly to my sister and my other friends...so the whole computer thing just made it seem like shed been ignoring me the whole night)

she finally got off...and i was laying in my bed (same room as my computer), and she kisses me on the forehead, and is like 'sorry it took so long....ohhh look at the time i have to leave in 4 minutes'. dandy homeboy...

so basically i was just in a bad mood, not really mad at her...but in a bad mood cause i didnt really have much fun...and so she left, and im online...and she gets online when she gets home (to play with her face book profile some more, naturally)...and she asks whats been bothering me, i told her (for the 2nd or 3rd time that night), and then all of a sudden she blows up on me...like i mean screaming at me VIA aim....if this was in person, i would have probably blown up at her for the first time, but online i can control myself better...

arguing is one thing, but she was just being totally mean...saying i was getting all upset for a non justified reason, and she made comments like "OMG, god forbid i do ANYTHING other than entertain YOU every SECOND that i see you"... and "im so sorry robbie, ill NEVER do ANYTHING at all other than whatever you want me to do"

i tried to talk some sense into her, and explain i wasnt mad AT her, i was just in a bad mood cause i was bored and i didnt want her to think she didnt anything wrong (she had told me before she wanted to make a face book profile, so i didnt really mind cause i knew she wanted too, but still i was bored)

finally, after shes yelling at me and everything...its the next morning after some sleep, and she metnions shes still bitter about the night before...and she says shes bitter because i got upset for stupid reasons and i was being immature and whatnot...so i said 'alyssa...have you EVER gotten mad at me for a stupid reason that was just uncommonly silly...dont even try and say no because you know you have..." she admits that she has...i then say "and out of those countless times yuo have gotten mad at me for un justified reaons, how many times have i reacted by blowing up at you and getting angry"...response "you've never blown up at me..."

point taken...

next time this happens, im giving her a straight talk about introspection or something...

[nick_hegel]

Sorry to heat crap like that Rob, but man am I glad I don't deal with that anymore!!!!

[aceyx]

durnadupa; sorry about that man. sounds like 1. she's met some other guy, 2. she's playing mind games, or 3. she's trying to free herself up for college.

in any of those circumstances, this isn't a chick you want to stay around. on the good side of it, you'll actually enjoy college for what it is, rather than just higher academics with the same friends from high school. you'll probably meet more people (it's hard to break into conversation with a couple) and well, IMO being single is awesome. yeah there are some down times, but that's like anything in life.

best case, and highly probable scenario is that she'll find guys at her college are jerks. boy toys at first, but she's known you for a long time and should feel comfortable around you. that accounts for quite a bit. expect to see her over break, and be friendly; it may just work out in the end. or even several years down the road. just keep doin what you're doin, and if you're meant to be with that bird, she'll return.

rob; ROB, stop being such a pussy. what did i tell you about just being yourself? if you're pissed, tell her you're pissed. girls like a little bit of drama now and then. seriously, would you like your car if it were a cavalier--reliable but boring as all hell? it sounds like you're real scared to lose her but realize that a lot of people break up, realize more things about themselves, the other person and life in general and it works out when they get back together. just no groveling. maybe a bit of apology, but stand your ground. it has nothing to do with being "a man," it's about being a human and having self-respect. it's worth more in the end than just a little messing around.


durna; oh, and never intentionally "go out and get drunk" over a girl. go out to have a good time. if you end up drunk by the end of the night, then it was a good night. but if it's a slow night and the only thing you have to do is "get wasted" then you'll still be bitter as all hell by the end.

best advice, is to keep yourself busy. car, work, school, whatever.

[aceyx]

i just read over my own post, and apologize: i'm not on crack.

it's friday, i'm at work, and leaving to wakeboard this weekend. it's 3, and i don't get out until 6.

[stormos]

I once had the "It's me or the car" routine, she slammed the door on the way out too. ;)

[durnadupa]

Thanks for the ideas guys, well I was thinking about it all nite, and barely got any sleep. I figured that I needed to talk to her about it. So after work I went over to Fort Lee, picked up her favorite candy, Sour Punch Straws, got her some yellow lilies, and a card where I wrote how I was feeling. My plan was to just leave the stuff on her doorstep and let her think about it. However, pulling up to the house she said she wanted to go out with me for ice cream, her not reading the card yet. Quite a coincidence.
We went out, we talked about random stuff, it was alot like we had never broke up. It was just when we got back to her place when she started to refer to us as past tense, and I asked if it was really over. She said, "lately I started to think of us as best friends who hang out all the time, and not as you as my boyfriend. I think I am comfortable with my decision...blah blah blah"
I left to go to my other job, where I am at now, and I just recieved texts saying how she read the card and now she is confused and didn't think I felt like that about her... I dunno, she seems to be thinking about what she did now.

Rob; that sounds a little bit like what happened the last four or five days, she just ignored me, minus the blowup. You wanna keep her, make sure you don't get pissy as well. I know what I did wrong now, and I wish I could change it.

By the way she is going to CMU in Pitts. and I am going to Montclair as a commuter (scholarship not covering room and board, parents wont let me go cuz of $$$). But she was always saying she wanted to stay with me through college, that is why this is all too sudden for me.

[jflip2002]

Listen to Tom Leykis in the morning and you wont want a girlfriend lol. Hes good for a laugh or two.

[gooten1]

Women are confusing bro. That's a fact. Hope things straighten up over time.

[robcarync]

yes, you guys are right that i dont want to lose my girlfriend...she may be crazy as hell sometimes, but i still love her...and its not like shes mean all the time, she just has a few random outbursts of irrational emotions (hey, i do it too, but at least i usually have the ability to recognize when im being dumb like that) girls may love drama, but i hate it...im one of the most relaxed and laid back people youd ever meet.

about standing my ground and letting her know when im pissed, i wasnt really pissed at her...its hard to explain...i didnt want to keep her from doing what she wanted because i dont want it to come off like im syaing 'you arent allowed to do anything but hang out with me', but at the same time it kinda hurt that shed rather goof off on the computer for an hour and not even talk to me...confusing thing is...she asked what was wrong before she left my house...i told her....she didnt blow up until i told her when she was online...apparently she never remembered me telling her in person, or she said i worded it different online or something.

i dunno i guess im a 'pussy', but i am myself. i act the same way around everyone. this incident, i wasnt trying to be confrontational, because i dont think i should have necessarily felt bad because she was doing something that didnt include me, i didnt want to cause unessecary drama. i see her point of view, that she should be allowed to do what she wants and not ask my permission etc, but the dissappointing thing is, i still dont think she sees the situation from my shoes yet...

i swear girls are weird....sometimes i just dont understand whats going through their heads...

as for groveling....i dont do any of that really, but i do apologize too much (not just to her, to everyone) just out of habbit really...but as for like a meaningful apology or whatever, she only gets those if i really screw up and need to apologize for something

[nick_hegel]

I once had the "It's me or the car" routine, she slammed the door on the way out too. ;) lmao!!! I wish I could have that experience. The best I had was when the ex was on period got in an argument which was not my fault. I felt as though I should just go home. I had to drive an hour just to see her and had been with her for about 45 minutes to an hour. Anywho I dropped her off at home and she gets out thinking I was coming inside to "talk" (aka get yelled at). Instead as she walks in to the house I do my first burnout and leave! Didn't talk to her for nearly a week. I was being immature, but damn it was fun as hell!!!!!

[durnadupa]

Okay, so I have a dilemma for tonite. Tonight I could either go to the party and get a rebound, or I could stay home and she said she wanted to come visit me after work which would be around 11. Now my house is empty so this would be the perfect time to see if there is really anything left between us, if you know what I mean. Yesterday she seemed very upset after reading the card, dunno if it was because she realized who she dumped or something. But her away message was, bummed...thinking.
I would love to get back with her, just because I am not ready to let go. Sounds very pussy-like, but I am still very attached to her. I have been miserable for the past days just because I have been thinking of my life without her. And it just sucks. I am sick in my stomach and barely getting sleep. I am constantly in the state of being choked up as well.
So what do you guys think? Party (which i will still go to probly if she still refuses) or try to win her back tonite, potentially with a nice dinner or someting?

[cali-ti]

this advice is probably for a later time in your life, but i feel things are either "right" between two people or they aren't. if you've tried and it doesn't work, there's no point to getting back together. move on, get out, do something you enjoy, things will get better!

[durnadupa]

I know, but just the fact that she keeps on wanting to see me and still talks to me, is what is making me think. I mean, I didn't think our relationship was anywhere near breaking up yet. I dunno wat it is, but if she is trying to keep me in her life or what? I did everything I could for her, and I had plans for her birthday and everything. I let her do whatever she wanted to do, and not stop her. I dunno if it is just that she likes having me there for her.
I enjoy seeing her still, but by the end of the night I can't grab her anymore and kiss her. And that is what is killing me, cuz i want to hold her so bad, but can't.

[robcarync]

:(

pussy like or not...i know you must feel bad...and i would be the exact same way if my girlfriend broke up with me. me being my pussy like self would stay home and let her visit you...

my sister and her boyfriend kinda did that...they would break up, but still hang out allthe time...and it about killed her bf/xbf because he was still attatched to her, and it probably almost hurts more for the attatched person if you go from being a couple to just friends...because then youd be sitting there wondering why you broke up in the first place because if you are still friends, you obviously havent screwed up that bad... (never been in this position, but just talking to my sisters ex bf gave me that impression)

===my quick story===

i apologized to my girlfriend last night...we were hanging out with another couple (my best friend, her best friend...they are a couple too!) we were just talking and the subject came up of arguging over stupid things...my friend and his girlfriend have the same problem (argue over dumb ass things) well my girlfriend started telling the story of her birthday (which i messed up big time lol....she was sick on her b-day, i ended up hanging out with another girl...just a friend that lives down the street, but she called while i was with her...and ehhh well id feel bad if i was sick in bed on my birthday, called my girlfriend and she was out with another guy alone, not even in a group...)

anyway so she was telling that story...and of course she skews everything to make it sound like i was doing something incredibly bad...so i told my side of the story and she kept intertupting me...so i snapped back at her and said 'shut up you jerk" and i said it really mean like ... man i felt kinda bad after that. not really a big deal because i know some couples (IE: my friend and his girl), they say stuff like that to each other just messing around, but my girl is extremely sensitive and ive never really said anything real mean to her before

i felt bad, and i think that deserved an apology. either way, she got over it after a while and then she gave me a big kiss lol...and now she is in NY...

[nick_hegel]

Make her win you back(not the other way around)!! Guys often hand the power over to the girl without realizing it. I've done it myself and have seen others do it too!

[durnadupa]

Well she never came over last night, her mom wanted her home. I was a little upset, because I really do want to see her. Anyways I headed over to that party, got in and instinctivly grabbed the bacardi o and started downing it. My friends seeing this try to give me beer instead, but I am not a beer guy after my last hangover from Coor's. But they agree to just give me rum and coke. Me and two other friends were responsible for finishing off the entire bottle of Bacardi O. Headed over to BK for some food, lost all of it diving over a bush and trying to climb a garage.
Overall it was a good nite, I had fun. No rebound or anything, just hanging out with some of my closest friends. It was good, I got voted sexiest in the house. Wearing a sombrero and boxers does that for you.
But throughout the night, she kept on texting me. I don't want to ignore her, so I texted her back. I think I said some things that I only said to her when we were dating, but they just came out... We will see what happens, the night was good but she was in the back fo my mind the enire night...

[hubrisin]

a little something to think about:

Bachelorhood; an unknown cousin to happiness, often yearned for when absent by the married or attached. Ignorance drives the bachelor to undermine his happiness in pursuit of it. Food, drink, and smoke are the only certain forms of happiness, the rest are merely distractions. - Dr. A.Der Groot

[durnadupa]

Just got back from college orientation, it was so-so...
This girl is confusing the hell out of me, and I swear it is making me insane. She told me she wasn't working yesterday morning, I am like you want to do something? She is like sure, let's get breakfast. So I get my ass over there at like 10AM before my orientation, and we go to a good diner. Talk talk and talk, blah blah. It was fun, then we go to her house park in the lot and sit and talk for another 45minutes.
I can't even remember what it was about, it was just a good conversation. Then she purposely teases me with the lollipop, and I no this cuz she did it to me all the time. Then she is like ''im sorry ive been making u sad" Well, thanks? Argh, it is making me go into severe mood swings... I am only happy if I am with her or talking to her, otherwise I am depressed (but not to that point).
I don't know what to do anymore...

[roadrash]

I don't know what to do anymore...

OK, here's a suggestion... and I don't mean this to sound preachy...

Ask yourself, "What do I want?" I.e, do you want a "friend with benefits"... a long-term relationship... or just a chick friend to hang out with? Be honest with yourself about this!! Having an answer is more important than what the answer is. Knowing what you want is the first step to having what you want.

Since you're a lot younger than me, you might want to ask that question in two parts... A) What do I want right now? and B) What do I ultimately want? As you get older, A and B will be pretty much the same thing. :)

Next, ask yourself, "Can this woman fill that role?" Examine the pros and cons of "her"... especially the cons. Can you accept, live with, or tolerate any negative traits/habits?

Finally ask her, "What do you want?" If she wants something different than you do, you're probably wasting your time with her, regardless of how well she fits what you're looking for. But don't be afraid to tell her what you want, and don't settle for less than what you want just because you're too scared to ask for it.

It's entirely possible that you both want the same thing, but you'll never know until you do some soul-searching and have some honest, open communication about it.

Regarding her actions, e.g., the lollipop episode (heh heh)...
There may very well come a day when you just have to tell her that her indecision and inconsistancy are making you crazy and you don't have any need for that sort of thing in your life. She needs to know that you will not tolerate being jerked around or walked on.

A lot of this comes down to respect. You have to respect yourself enough to tolerate nothing less than respect from her. Stand up for yourself, and don't allow ANYone in your life who does not treat you well.

Let me know if any of that doesn't make sense. :)

Oh yeah... one other thing. When asking for advice on this sort of thing, please keep in mind that everyone gives advice based on their own life experience, not yours. You know yourself and her better than any of us ever will. Don't blindly follow advice given here... ponder it a while and do what you think is right for you, even if it's contrary to "popular opinion." You have to live with the consequences of your actions, we don't. :)

Whatever happens, good luck!!

[robcarync]

wow you are like a genius roadrash!

excellent points...

and...what type of lollipop was it?!

[roadrash]

Genius? Nah, I've just got a bit of wisdom born of experience. I.e., I've learned some lessons the hard way. Being twice his age (and yours) doesn't hurt either. ;}

heh heh... my guess is that it was a cherry lollipop.

[robcarync]

i like blue rasberry or cotton candy flavored lollipops the best...

watermelon isnt too bad either!

[mischief]

what i hate the must is the silent treatment
when a girl stops calling you and writing you and when you call her she dose not pick up thats love

[nick_hegel]

Pics/Video of Lollipop tease or ban!!! You guys were all thinkin it, just admit it!

[L84THSKY]

I'm getting confused.

Can we get a current list of who on this site has broken up with their GF/BF recently? :blink:

Please list by login name & date of event.

Sincerely
Me

Just got back from college orientation, it was so-so...
This girl is confusing the hell out of me, and I swear it is making me insane. She told me she wasn't working yesterday morning, I am like you want to do something? She is like sure, let's get breakfast. So I get my ass over there at like 10AM before my orientation, and we go to a good diner. Talk talk and talk, blah blah. It was fun, then we go to her house park in the lot and sit and talk for another 45minutes.
I can't even remember what it was about, it was just a good conversation. Then she purposely teases me with the lollipop, and I no this cuz she did it to me all the time. Then she is like ''im sorry ive been making u sad" Well, thanks? Argh, it is making me go into severe mood swings... I am only happy if I am with her or talking to her, otherwise I am depressed (but not to that point).
I don't know what to do anymore...

[aceyx]

Can we get a current list of who on this site has broken up with their GF/BF recently? :blink:
heh. :biggrin:

i think roadrash is pretty spot-on with his post, especially with the "what works for me may not work for you" bit. i'm amazed looking back at myself 5 years ago how i'd changed in relation to girls, and i have to say i'm very happy where i am. that might change, but i'm sticking with what works at the moment.

[durnadupa]

Roadrash, you're right! It was a cherry lollipop... I dunno how you knew that... Haha pics of the incident? Hmm, if you're looking for that sort of thing, this is the wrong site. Don't get me wrong I do have those pics though...

Roadrash, you also gave great advice. I know what you mean about this si from your life experiences. I figure, if I can get as many view points as possible, it will help me with this entire issue. And so far it's have...
She called me up yesterday saying she wasnt working at wanted to see a movie, I brought over The Pacifier, which she loved when she saw it a while ago, and we watched it. Afterwards we went to play pool and then came back home. We were sitting and she said "I am comfortable with how we are now." I go on to say this is how we have always been, we always acted like this. She told me a whole bunch of things that had bother her about me, which were all thigns that made her attracted to me in the beginning! Like my laid-back attitude, my "immaturish" antics, in general a humorous person. When we started dating that is what she said she loved about me. But now it is what she doesnt like?! She went on and started to cry and hold on to me, I mean she is killing me. "why weren't you more possesive sometimes" when I would let her hang out with her friends and me not being there. But her bestfriend who had a bf had a possesive bf, and my girlfriend told me that she loves that I am not like that. She has no idea what she wants, and she is dragging me into it but I can't help it because I care about her so much.

See roadrash, we started out as friends, gradually became better friends. Got drunk at junior prom and hooked up. we termed ourselves "acquantances with potential benefits" and we ended up hooking up a few times more among other things before I asked her out in June. And now the way I see it, it is just going through the same cycle again, she wants to hang out all the time and I am not gonna resist that. I want to see her, I tell her how much I feel about her, and I wish she really knew what I meant.