» Site Navigation | | » Recent Threads | looove 04-16-2024 01:18 PM 04-16-2024 01:18 PM 0 Replies, 453 Views | | lolita porn 04-13-2024 11:45 PM 04-13-2024 11:45 PM 0 Replies, 220 Views | lolita porn 04-13-2024 11:43 PM 04-13-2024 11:44 PM 1 Replies, 141 Views | lolita porn 04-13-2024 11:40 PM 04-13-2024 11:41 PM 1 Replies, 147 Views | lolita porn 04-13-2024 11:38 PM 04-13-2024 11:39 PM 1 Replies, 148 Views | lolita porn 04-13-2024 11:36 PM 04-13-2024 11:37 PM 1 Replies, 143 Views | lolita porn 04-13-2024 11:35 PM 04-13-2024 11:35 PM 0 Replies, 126 Views | lolita porn 04-13-2024 11:34 PM 04-13-2024 11:34 PM 0 Replies, 129 Views | lolita porn 04-13-2024 11:33 PM 04-13-2024 11:33 PM 0 Replies, 124 Views | | | | | 11-18-2004, 05:02 AM | #1 | Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 140 | Good ol' oil change I'm not sure if this ever made it around to this forum, but it gave me a good laugh so I thought I'd share. Oil change checklist 1. Go to O'Reilly's auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for = oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree. 2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it = back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard. 3. Open a beer and drink it. 4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7. Place drain pan under engine. 8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9. Give up and use crescent wrench. 10. Unscrew drain plug. 11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process. 12. Clean up. 13. Have another beer while oil is draining. 14. Look for oil filter wrench. 15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off. 16. Beer. 17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow. 18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. 19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18. 20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday. 21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer. 22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil = to gasket first. 23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 24. Remember drain plug from step 11. 25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil = drains onto floor. 27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame. 28. Bang head on floor board in reaction. 29. Begin a cussing fit. 30. Throw wrench. 31. Cuss and complain. 32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle. 33. Beer. 34. Beer. 35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil. 36. Beer. 37. Lower car from jack stands 38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands 39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23. 40. Test drive car 41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence. 42. Car gets impounded. 43. Make bail; get car from impound yard. Money Spent: $50 parts $12 = beer $75 replacement set of jack stands; hey the colors have to match! $1000 = Bail $200 Impound and towing fee Total: $1337 Step 24 is my favorite, hahaha | | | 11-18-2004, 07:57 AM | #2 | Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Tyler, TX Posts: 1,022 | Quote: Originally Posted by swits I'm not sure if this ever made it around to this forum, but it gave me a good laugh so I thought I'd share. Oil change checklist 1. Go to O'Reilly's auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for = oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and scented tree. 2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it = back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard. 3. Open a beer and drink it. 4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands. 5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car. 6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it. 7. Place drain pan under engine. 8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench. 9. Give up and use crescent wrench. 10. Unscrew drain plug. 11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in process. 12. Clean up. 13. Have another beer while oil is draining. 14. Look for oil filter wrench. 15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off. 16. Beer. 17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow. 18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car. 19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18. 20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday. 21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer. 22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil = to gasket first. 23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine. 24. Remember drain plug from step 11. 25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan. 26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil = drains onto floor. 27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame. 28. Bang head on floor board in reaction. 29. Begin a cussing fit. 30. Throw wrench. 31. Cuss and complain. 32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle. 33. Beer. 34. Beer. 35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil. 36. Beer. 37. Lower car from jack stands 38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands 39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23. 40. Test drive car 41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence. 42. Car gets impounded. 43. Make bail; get car from impound yard. Money Spent: $50 parts $12 = beer $75 replacement set of jack stands; hey the colors have to match! $1000 = Bail $200 Impound and towing fee Total: $1337 Step 24 is my favorite, hahaha | I've had a few projects go like that (although changing oil has never been quite that difficult). | | | 11-18-2004, 08:13 PM | #3 | Junior Member Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Seattle Posts: 19 | Then there is the oil change guide for women: 1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change 2) Drink a cup of coffee. 3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle. Money spent: * Oil Change $20.00 * Coffee $ 1.00 * Total $21.00. | | | 11-19-2004, 03:26 AM | #4 | Senior Member Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Tucson, AZ Posts: 290 | Well...it depends on the woman. I've seen plenty of...non-women (don't want to intentionally incriminate my own sex ) not even able to open their hood. I'd like to point and laugh at the guy who jams a screwdriver through one of our filters I hope we're all putting a little more than 5 quarts of oil in our engines __________________ Vince Carknard 1995 318ti Active Hellrot, 16" 5 spoke, "Fogged" airbox mod, Stromung exhaust, Bilstein Sports, BMW sport springs, 3.73lsd, others... | | | 11-19-2004, 04:04 AM | #5 | Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: Tyler, TX Posts: 1,022 | Quote: Originally Posted by bimmerboi318 Well...it depends on the woman. I've seen plenty of...non-women (don't want to intentionally incriminate my own sex ) not even able to open their hood. I'd like to point and laugh at the guy who jams a screwdriver through one of our filters I hope we're all putting a little more than 5 quarts of oil in our engines | yeah, there are plenty of men who don't know crap about cars, and quite a few girls whose advice i trust when it comes to my car. Just depends on the person. | | | 11-19-2004, 04:25 AM | #6 | Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2004 Location: state college, pa Posts: 3,431 | i had a girl accurately diagnose a worn wheel bearing once. talk about aphrodesiac . . . Quote: I hope we're all putting a little more than 5 quarts of oil in our engines | dude what? | | | | Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | | Posting Rules | You may not post new threads You may not post replies You may not post attachments You may not edit your posts HTML code is Off | | | |